


We Used To Be So Close Together

by anemic_cinema



Series: May Masturbation Challenge [27]
Category: Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Memories, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 19:04:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1699208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemic_cinema/pseuds/anemic_cinema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Driving back from the failed prisoner drop-off and escape from walkers, Rick realizes just how far apart he is from Shane now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Used To Be So Close Together

Shane hadn't always been like this. Rick knew that for a fact. As they drove back to the farm, their prisoner still locked in the trunk and bruises forming on their faces and bodies, there was no conversation. Rick had tried to start one with talk about plans for the upcoming winter, but it fell flat as Shane kept looking out the window, not saying anything.

Rick didn't want to admit it, but everything had changed between them. It was like they were in free-fall through space and nothing could stop them from descending further into the dark as familiar sights became pinpoints in the distance. Those pinpoints were the memories of a time when everything was good and they were close enough to be thought of as brothers. But they kept falling away and apart from it, helpless.

It had been so much more though. He wasn't sure if Shane remembered, or even wanted to remember. Rick's first kiss had been with Shane, the both of them drunk in his parent's basement. They were both sixteen at the time, and Shane had brought over a flask full of Southern Comfort. It tasted sweet and strong, and burned Rick's throat. After they'd both taken several swallows of it, Shane had pressed his lips against Rick's. He'd tasted sweet and strong. 

The next time, it had been Rick who'd snuck in the booze. He didn't even like drinking. In fact he'd felt lousy the next day. But the thought that maybe that kiss could happen again made him willing to suffer through it. Except it didn't stop at a kiss that time. A pay-per-view channel at Shane's house had accidentally gotten unscrambled, and it was showing porn. Shane had turned on the TV in his bedroom, and they sat passing the bottle back and forth as they watched blondes with pneumatic breasts get fucked. 

Whether it was the porn or the fact that they were watching it together that made them jerk off side by side, Rick wasn't sure to this day. His memories of that night were hazy. They'd been so drunk. He did remember how desperate he felt, and how he kept wishing Shane would reach over and touch him like the women on screen were doing to the men. 

When they were done, Shane had put his arms around Rick and they'd cuddled on his bed. Shane's lips didn't taste sweet that time. There was a different flavor to it then, something more raw and so much sadder. After that night, no matter how drunk they got together, they never kissed again. Rick had been disappointed at first, but then he started dating girls, and those memories were pushed to the back of his mind. 

Rick had a feeling that if he kissed Shane now, he'd taste the same thing. That acid, sad thing that had made his heart jump the first time he tasted it. The thing that had made him want to kiss Shane until the taste disappeared and his friend didn't look so lost. Maybe if he did it now the sadness and the anger between them would go away.

He looked over. Shane was looking straight ahead now. His bottom lip was swelling slightly from the blows that Rick had laid into him.

He turned his eyes back to the road. It was a foolish thought. You couldn't kiss away the pain of a broken friendship.


End file.
